Lily Allens A Fool

Consuela's Peril, originally uploaded by jaquaw.

Now I'm sure I'm about to upset a whole bunch of people, just like I upset Faction G enough in my review of his last mixtape that he put me on a freestyle which Logan Sama played on Kiss 100 this past Monday. But much like Lily's diss to me, look at the face, bothered? So background and bull, It's Wednesday night and following a great evening at Favella Chic (big up Neil Boorman for the invite, the chef for the free dinner and everyone at our table for providing great entertainment), Collins and I headed for The Old Blue Last. We'd been told Aaron LaCrate and Amanda Blank were on at 12, but we managed to hear the last 30 seconds of the final record before getting turfed. Tron and Johan directed the gang and the i-D Magazine massive to the afterparty in Dalston (which no one else actually bothered coming to), some underground club business which was alright given the amount of alcohol consumed and the stunning dance moves pulled out by ones like Kesshia and Zezi. So to the story. Girl Better Know I needed a wee. So I'm queueing at the toilets for a good five minutes but the two people in the one bog aren't coming out for shit. Not wanting to make a scene i.e. a puddle, I give it a knock and ask whether they plan to come out anytime today. Now, for all I know these two could have been a. constipated b. doing coke c. having a bit of each other. I don't care. I just wanted the friggin toilet. The door opens and I'm greeted by Miquita Oliver and her mate (I'm later told this is Lily Allen), who after looking me up and down says 'Miquita, didn't you have that jacket like three years ago,' As I close the door to release the tension SWV style, i'm in shock. After a few drinks I can become quite rowdy but how the fuck do you respond to such shallow ramblings? And shit, they even fucked up the diss, the coat I was wearing is officially vintage given it belongs to Collins' sister who's had it for seven, perhaps eight years. Regardless if I'm late on the Diesel jacket front (like Miquita herself), who thinks to drop such a line? If I said something like that, I'd go home and feel like a prick for coming so playground. Up your game. This is east London, I thought the standard line for a riled toilet user would be 'what's your problem?' at least, followed potentially with a butt to the head. It was suggested that I go to the papers with this amazingly exclusive insight into the world of Lily Allen, but quite frankly, who gives a pigs arse? She also bumped into me later while I tore up the dance floor J Lo on acid style, I did get an apology although i'm not 100% sure it was meant genuinely. The girls wanted to move to her differently anyway, but allow that, I love that jacket (It could be worth P's on ebay cuz) and I ain't messing up it for any fool so shh hut yuh muh.