Monday, 18 September 2006

Boozehound Barbie

New From Mattel: BOOZEHOUND BARBIE!, originally uploaded by Cade.

Yesterday was my 26th Birthday. I'm pleased to announce I broke my own toilet hugging record. Here's a brief account of all the toilets I hugged yesterday (and a few bags for good luck)
Toilet 1 = Quite a good location and with suitable surrounding floor space, I was able to lie down on the cold floor inbetween hugging sessions.
Toilet 2 = The door wouldn't shut but I was past caring and didn't want to revert to carrier bag on the street malarki. I could still smell bleach but there was an off putting yellow mark on the toilet seat which made me heave moreso.
Bag 1 = See through. Bad idea. Everyone could see the contents. Someone remarked it looked like I was carrying a piss bag. Look at the face. Bothered? Nah it was fucked.
Toilet 3 = This was very homely albeit not in my home. There wasn't a lot of room to move about and I was concerned with the levels of sound proofing but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
Bag 2 = Much stronger plastic, could hold more but thankfully I found toilet number 4.
Toilet 4 = Disabled toilets are good for stop breaks but bad on the echo.
Toilet 5 = The worst. The smell was like a rotten flangita. This meant I rid my system of everything and nothing. Some woman gave me a screwface as I came out shaking and sweating. I was so like whatever

Over the duration of my B'day I only managed to stomach a bottle of lucozade at 11pm in the evening. I am very ashamed of my actions. Binge drinking is not big nor is it clever. I didn't get to eat a special lunch or dinner and there was no chance of having my cake and eating it. The only good news is I was worried I'd gone over my Weight Watcher points with the amount of alcohol consumed on Friday and Saturday, the aftermath meant that not only did I rid myself of some of these, I endured a point free day yesterday. Today has been pretty similar with only two pieces of toast consumed. I also have a cold to boot. In short I feel like a piece of turd, stuck in a u-bend, getting flushed time and time again. You will however be happy to know that among my presents were a Barbie and Ken which means I'll soon be able to start making my own series on the blog. Oh the joy.


Danny Walker said...

lmao, you're too much Fiddy. Happy Birthday... and many happy returns (what does that mean?)

Optimus Grime said...

ain't sayin a word grrrl
Gonna have to get me one of them myspace thingys so I can stay in touch ;p

Jabba doin't a lot!
Don't get rude!