Monday, 18 September 2006

Boozehound Barbie


New From Mattel: BOOZEHOUND BARBIE!, originally uploaded by Cade.

Yesterday was my 26th Birthday. I'm pleased to announce I broke my own toilet hugging record. Here's a brief account of all the toilets I hugged yesterday (and a few bags for good luck)
Toilet 1 = Quite a good location and with suitable surrounding floor space, I was able to lie down on the cold floor inbetween hugging sessions.
Toilet 2 = The door wouldn't shut but I was past caring and didn't want to revert to carrier bag on the street malarki. I could still smell bleach but there was an off putting yellow mark on the toilet seat which made me heave moreso.
Bag 1 = See through. Bad idea. Everyone could see the contents. Someone remarked it looked like I was carrying a piss bag. Look at the face. Bothered? Nah it was fucked.
Toilet 3 = This was very homely albeit not in my home. There wasn't a lot of room to move about and I was concerned with the levels of sound proofing but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
Bag 2 = Much stronger plastic, could hold more but thankfully I found toilet number 4.
Toilet 4 = Disabled toilets are good for stop breaks but bad on the echo.
Toilet 5 = The worst. The smell was like a rotten flangita. This meant I rid my system of everything and nothing. Some woman gave me a screwface as I came out shaking and sweating. I was so like whatever

Over the duration of my B'day I only managed to stomach a bottle of lucozade at 11pm in the evening. I am very ashamed of my actions. Binge drinking is not big nor is it clever. I didn't get to eat a special lunch or dinner and there was no chance of having my cake and eating it. The only good news is I was worried I'd gone over my Weight Watcher points with the amount of alcohol consumed on Friday and Saturday, the aftermath meant that not only did I rid myself of some of these, I endured a point free day yesterday. Today has been pretty similar with only two pieces of toast consumed. I also have a cold to boot. In short I feel like a piece of turd, stuck in a u-bend, getting flushed time and time again. You will however be happy to know that among my presents were a Barbie and Ken which means I'll soon be able to start making my own series on the blog. Oh the joy.

2 comments:

Danny Walker said...

lmao, you're too much Fiddy. Happy Birthday... and many happy returns (what does that mean?)

Optimus Grime said...

ain't sayin a word grrrl
Gonna have to get me one of them myspace thingys so I can stay in touch ;p

Jabba doin't a lot!
Don't get rude!

Love,

Koknee